Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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