it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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