no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
