Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i now understand why vodka
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
