K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
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There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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