fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
