areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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