Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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