How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
