so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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