Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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