I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
