Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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