I'm jealous of your bromance
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
