My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
birth control should be required to get into college
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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