I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
