I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
whose parrot is this?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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