I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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