they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
3pm strippers are depressing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
