That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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