The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fuck appropriateness.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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