Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
one might say we're banned from that church
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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