I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
