If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
