Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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