It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
