I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
