Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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