Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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