We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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