You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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