I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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