You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
