I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
