im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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