Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You made out with two different species that night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
