When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
