I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
