Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
