We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
