Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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