I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
