The maid of honor just puked.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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