I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
