Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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