her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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