Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
