Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
