NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
