omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
