I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
