Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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