Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
