party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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