hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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