Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
