hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
not ubering you a puppy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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