ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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