Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
