Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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