You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
