Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
