who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
