God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
