I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
