I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
