What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
