I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
