I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
