When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
