i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We are two peas in an std pod
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
